Celebrating Rachel Fazio’s Life

We are heartbroken to share with you the passing of our sweet friend Rachel Fazio, on Oct 22 2020. It must be noted that to our knowledge her passing was unrelated to Covid19, as she was at work the day previous with no symptoms. She was 28 years old.

Billy Wilder said of Audrey Hepburn “God kissed her on the cheek, and there she was”. These words come to mind when I think of Rachel now. Not that she had a charmed life…she was, I would come later to find, making a new life for herself in DC after a rough run in the media industry as a reporter for NBC. But God kissed her on the cheek in that she possessed a bright, shining quality which was unmistakeable. She reminded me of a character in a book, as do all my favourite people… a unique and fully formed personality unlike anyone I have ever met before.

The words warmth, dedication, and humor come to mind when I think of Rachel. If I sit quietly in these days after her passing I can feel her presence, that’s how rich these qualities were within her…I can feel her still, comforting me. Rachel would be mortified to be causing me any extra work right now in writing this. She would be apologizing in her flustered and funny way. And she would be smiling at me. Rachel made me feel seen, and seen as the best of myself.

Rachel wrote me an email introducing herself just weeks after the birth of my boy Leo. Despite being sleep deprived and recovering I knew I had to meet her. Her letter was warm, clear, enthusiastic. So sane and present. Her story was unique, but this just intrigued me more. I can only say it was grace that allowed me to recognize her value from just that letter. I knew she would be in my life.

When we met I walked in to discover a beautiful, professional bright eyed young woman, with an open face. At that time I was fully staffed, with not an inch of spare space in the building. And Rachel had not yet even gone to school for esthetics…but it didn’t matter. I told her to go ahead and move to DC, and that I didn’t know how or when, but I would have a spot for her. Little did I know that in the upcoming months I would start a year long process of staff turnover…much of it extremely painful. But throughout it all there was Rachel, unwavering and by my side.

Rachel approached her role at Bespoke with nearly comical devotion and professionalism. If I am the Michael Scott of the office Rachel was somewhere between Dwight and Erin…steadfastly dedicated but also with a contagious enthusiasm and innocence. I remember meeting her outside the new office one day, for one of our first meetings. She was wearing heels, full makeup and a business casual dress. I was in leggings with no makeup and a backpack and bun. We went and had an ice cream (she had one little scoop which mostly melted, I think I had a pint and then ate hers), and when we parted ways I asked her where her car was. I walked, she said…she had rented a flat nearby so that she might be close at hand if I ever needed her. I watch her walk away on the cobblestone street in those uncomfortable shoes, and was grateful for the help I hadn’t known that I needed.

I took her up on her offer of help…she helped me with every little thing, and joyfully. She babysat Leo. She did laundry. She waited for handymen at the building. Any request was met immediately with enthusiasm and precision. I asked her once how did she get to be like this? How was she just so damn helpful? She told me it was her mother…that her mother was an amazing woman (an accomplished Doctor) and that she wanted to be a true support to women like us. I’ll never know how scouring the internet she set her sights on me and Bespoke, but if I had to guess I’d say maybe I reminded her of her parents. I hope she felt like she could find a home with me, and I would have her back.

I grew to lean on her, in every way. And in her last days at Bespoke she had added a fifth treatment…so she was working twelve hour days. She worked Friday Saturday and Sunday in a row as well…”I have no life” she would scoff when explaining her dedication. In reality, she was determined to really support the business, and to be of service to myself and our clients. Her last words to me (via text) were “Oooh how fun! I am excited!”. This was in reference to some training we were going to do for a new therapist that week…she was finally making the leap from “trainee” to “trainer”. It was a big moment.

I could always make Rachel crack up, and took it upon myself to try for this as often as possible. She got the joke, always. When we first met I asked her what kind of movies and tv she watched…”How I Met your Mother” was her favourite show she said. I thought that was a weird choice lol, but getting know her it made sense. She had an ever present readiness to laugh, and a dry slightly sarcastic sense of humor. Very self deprecating and a bit deadpan, very much the tone of the show. I think of her like a character in it, she would have fit right in.

Rachel didn’t have a mean bone in her body, which made her somewhat fragile, vulnerable. She had a horrible time in esthetics school, being bullied by her peers (adults, mind you). To give context as to who you might find in an esthetics school (sometimes but not always), upon orientation she told me “they stressed repeatedly that you NOT come to school high” and then listed the many ways to NOT get high before school. No pills, no weed, no etc etc. “Are people coming to school high?? I guess so!” she said, and we laughed for about a week straight about how spelled out that needed to be for her classmates. Regardless the bullying was so ridiculous and severe I wanted to pull her out of school…it seemed unbearable to me and I was angry for her. But she stuck with it and got through it, without any fuss. It was incredible, her persistence.

She was the kind of person who at her angriest would probably huff a “no thank you!” Once when we were setting up an alarm system in the building it went off during treatment…in her room. The actual alarm was in there and was blistering loud…and she attempted to carry on with treatment. Afterwards she texted me (I hadn’t heard it) asking if she could comp the treatment…I didn’t realize what the big deal was. When I found out I couldn’t believe how much she underplayed the issue…I’d have been furious. I was also told later that she picked up the alarm, marched out of the room and handed it to my stepdad (who had been setting it up) with short “here!”. That was it. Her frustration was palpable, but she got on with it. Not a mean word.

In her last days with us we spoke often of her progress as an esthetician. Her book had finally filled with regular clients, what she had always wanted. She was giving me her all, and I knew that I could count on her for it. No matter what happened I could count on Rachel. So Wednesday morning when she wasn’t at work we all knew instinctively something was very wrong.

I told Rachel in her last days how proud I was of her, and how smart she was to see extra clients. How this would make her so much better so much faster. This is what she really wanted, just to be of use in the office and to care for people. To care for me too. She told me that I was doing a great job handling navigating the business during covid…with no prompting. And she meant it, and it helped me. She was very perceptive. Sometimes I worry that when I am seen as who I truly am - human, flawed - that the therapists or clients will lose respect for me. And that has definitely been the case before…but not with Rachel. She had a way of seeing all of you and making you feel loved anyway. Her own light shined on you and made you shine back.

When I interview new therapists I play a game where I ask them what their “spirit animal” is, just to get to know them. A platypus, she said. What?! We all exclaimed. Why? You are much more elegant than that! She said a platypus was cute and unique and quirky and who knows, she just thought a platypus. And she was right. She was unlike anyone else I have ever met. In the last few months I have been on a meaningless decorating kick in the office, constantly moving furniture around. I’d walk into her room and move a plant to a different shelf wordlessly and she would crack up. I would text her pictures of weird furniture from facebook marketplace and as if she could run and pick it up RIGHT NOW and she would say yes of course! And hop in an uber. We joked that I was making her room into a “nautical library” and we laughed about how unrelated to esthetics that was but she said she “trusted my vision”.

I had a vision for Rachel. Early on I asked her what her dreams were, what her long term goals were. She said this was her dream. I pushed her further, and she coyly joked that she would take over the business for me one day. And I can’t tell you how much that meant to me…I love the business like a child, and the thought of giving it one day to someone who loved it like I do brought me a lot of joy. I could picture it for her. I could see her, one day a time, working towards that. Her work was measured and persistent…I could see her daily grinding away at moving forward. She was planning on moving to Georgetown in December, so she could walk to work. I have come to find out she had a serious boyfriend, with whom she was likely going to settle down with here. I can see her having her life here…a life not unlike my own. House, child, work, all in this little village…I could see her growing, and becoming a fuller realization of who she was always meant to be. And I thank God that I was included in that plan for her. I thank God for my time with her. But mostly I just fucking miss her…as does everyone in the office.

Rachel I love you. Sleep well sweet girl, I am holding your special chair for you in the office.

Condolences may be sent to Rachel’s mother,

Ellen Schaeffer 6825 Holliston Circle, Fayetteville, N.Y. 13066

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